by the fans for the fans

Can't Go Back


It wasn't until Deanna Monroe had uttered the words “Do it,” that Rick Grimes shot Pete Anderson dead without remorse. Rick's face was spattered with blood as he stared down at the corpse with dead eyes feeling relieved it was finally over with when all of a sudden he heard a familiar voice that seemed to snap him out of his crazed state of mind.

"Rick?"

Rick instantly looked up wide eyed and confused only to see what he believed to be the ghost of Morgan Jones talking to him, but it wasn’t a ghost; it really was Morgan. The very same man that had saved Rick’s life after he’d awoken from his coma in the hospital, and the same man he encountered again in King County who by then had gone completely insane over losing his son and even went as far as to try and kill Rick while successfully stabbing him in the shoulder in the process. But after Morgan had broken down and cried, telling Rick about the horrors he had seen he pulled out the walkie talkie Rick had given him and accused Rick of never being there when he said he would.

“Rick?” Morgan spoke again as if to clarify it was really him. “What’s going on here?”

Rick still couldn’t believe his eyes. How did he find him? And what happened that made him to decide to leave Atlanta? There were so many questions racing through his mind but he was soon interrupted by the hysterical sobbing of Deanna as she cradled her dead husband Reg in her arms burying her face into his chest while the rest of the frightened Alexandrians looked on. Rick knew her pain but there was nothing more to be done, he was gone and if he wasn’t taken care of soon he’d turn and there would be even more blood spilled on this night.

“Deanna, look I’m sorry.” Rick said as he got down on one knee and pulled out a knife from the back pocket of his jeans. He paused and looked her in the eye. “You know what has to be done now. We can’t let him turn.”

Deanna nodded as Rick went in and quickly stabbed Reg in the head. He looked at her again and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll bury him tomorrow and have a nice funeral for him too.”

Deanna managed a half smile through her tears. “Thank you, Rick,” she said wearily.

Rick nodded and rose to his feet again where his eyes met Morgan’s but there was only silence between them now.

“Alright folks,” Abraham suddenly spoke up for all to hear. “The shit show is officially over, so why don’t you all just head on home and call it day? We’ll take it from here.”

As Abraham started lifting up Pete’s body to haul him off some place out of sight Michonne walked up and found her katana lying on the ground stained with Reg’s blood. She felt furious inside. This had been the second time her sword had fallen into the wrong hands and claimed somebody’s life. First Hershel, now Reg. Hell it had even been used to chop off Bob’s leg by Gareth and the hunters after it had been stolen from her back at Terminus. After that she thought she’d never see it again until it made its way back to her at the church on the night she, Rick and the others slaughtered Gareth and his people. She truly felt cursed now as she stared at the bloodied blade feeling as though she were to blame for Reg’s death. It’s my fault, she thought to herself. I should’ve never hung it on the wall. I was stupid.

“Hey you okay?” Abraham looked at her.

“No I’m not,” Michonne replied avoiding eye contact as she walked away with her curse in her hand.

In the meantime Rick had finally gotten a chance to talk to Morgan and even learn about how he found him.

“I went to the prison, Rick,” he explained. “And I seen that it was tore up, Walkers all over the place, so I left. I assumed you were either dead or you left, then that’s when I saw the signs for Terminus so I headed there till I saw a sign which read “No Sanctuary.”

“I did that,” Rick mentioned. “Terminus wasn’t a sanctuary it was a trap.”

“A trap?” Morgan repeated with curiosity.

“They were killing people,” Rick explained as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “They were eating them too. Slaughtering them like cattle. I saw it with my own eyes.”

Morgan was speechless.

“They trapped me and my people in a boxcar and they would’ve killed us too if it weren’t for Carol. She saved us. Burned that place to the ground.”

“Carol?” Morgan replied with interest.

“That’s her,” Rick pointed out Carol as she stood near the fire.

“Well anyway, Rick,” Morgan began. “I ended up at that church and that’s when I found the map with your name on it.” He pulled it out so Rick could see. “I was on my way to Washington DC when I seen that a couple of men were trapped in a car surrounded by walkers, so I helped them escape. I believe their names are Daryl and Aaron?”

“That’s right,” Rick nodded. “Thank you for helping them, Morgan.

“All life is precious, Rick,” Morgan smiled as he leaned on his staff.

Rick didn’t know how to respond to those words, especially after he had just taken a life and right in front of Morgan too.

“Say, Rick,” Morgan raised his chin. “Can I ask why you killed that man just now?”

Rick didn’t even hesitate to answer him. “Because he killed one of our own. Was trying to kill me. He was also abusing his wife and his two sons. I couldn’t allow him to live.”

“I see,” Morgan replied.

They were both silent for the moment until Rick heard the sound of a panicked voice and turned his head to see Maggie running up to him.

“Rick, Glenn is still missing,” she panted. “I looked everywhere but I can’t find him. He never even showed up at the meeting. I don’t know where he is and I’m scared,” she began to cry.

“We’ll look for him,” Rick replied. “I’m sure he’s just fine.”

“Nicholas is missing too,” added Spencer Monroe who had overheard their conversation.

Rick immediately thought about the walkers that had gotten through the gates because of Father Gabriel’s carelessness and suspected one of them had gotten Nicholas or even Glenn.

Rick’s eyes burned with anger as he gnashed his teeth. “Where’s Gabriel?” He growled

Part 2

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done!?” Rick seethed as he violently slammed Father Gabriel up against the church wall.

“I-I-I’m sorry!” Father Gabriel began to whimper as Rick suddenly pulled his colt python from its holster and pressed it against the side of Gabriel’s head, itching to pull the trigger.

“You left the gate open, Gabriel,” Rick snarled. “You let walkers in, now Glenn and Nicholas are missing. I swear to god if they are dead I am going to kill you, do you understand me?” He tilt his head to the side.

Father Gabriel nodded as he squeezed his eyes shut feeling the cold barrel of the python against his clammy skin remembering not that long ago he had Sasha’s AR-15 Rifle pointed at him and she too seemed eager to pull the trigger.

“Rick, don’t!” Maggie shouted as she and Sasha entered the church. “Let him go. It’s not his fault.”

Rick looked over his shoulder narrowing his eyes at her. “What do you mean it’s not his fault?”

But right as she began to speak she was suddenly cut off by the sound of distant shouting coming from the outside.

“Help!”

Maggie paused and looked at Sasha. “You hear that?”

“Help!” They heard it again.

“Someone’s in trouble,” Sasha quickly headed outside with Maggie following behind her.

Rick released his grip on Gabriel letting him fall to the floor as he hurried outside as well to find out what was going on.

“Open the gate!” The shouting grew louder and more desperate.

“Oh my god, that sounds like Glenn!” Maggie panicked as she took off heading for the gate.

Daryl had heard it too and had already beaten her there as he started unlocking the chain to let the two battered bloody looking men inside.

“Hurry, Daryl,” he heard Glenn’s weary voice as well as the snarls of approaching walkers that had been drawn by all the shouting.

As Daryl slid the gate open Glenn began limping his way inside with Nicholas who had his arm slung over Glenn’s shoulder leaning on him for support.
Unfortunately the walkers were closing in and one of them nearly made it inside before Daryl slammed the gate shut and pulled out his shop knife to stab it in the head as it attempted to grab at him through the bars.

“Glenn!” Maggie cried out as she rushed over to her husband and noticed the blood on his face.
“My god what happened to you? What were you doing outside the walls?”

“I’ll explain later,” Glenn replied in a weak voice as he touched her face.

“We have to get you both to the infirmary,” Maggie pressed. “Pete is dead but Rosita has some medical training, so she can help.”


Meanwhile Rick just finished a quick sweep of the area for walkers before meeting with Morgan again to take him to the unfinished basement, the same room where he’d been contained several hours before when Deanna was deciding his fate in Alexandria.
As he and Morgan came down the stairs to the empty room, Morgan looked a little surprised.

“Looks like a jail cell,” he remarked with a smile as he looked at Rick. “Is this where I’m going to stay?”

“Only for a day,” Rick answered him.

Morgan felt a little insulted. “You don’t trust me anymore, Rick?”

“Of course I trust you, Morgan,” Rick replied as he stepped closer. “This isn’t for me; it’s for them, the people of this community. They don’t know you.”

“I understand,” Morgan nodded.

“They will soon,” Rick said. “Just give it some time. Right now they’re all pretty traumatized over what happened. But I think they’re finally starting to see the truth. They’ve been living behind these walls for so long, sheltered from it all. Morgan they haven’t had to do the things we have. They probably never will either.”

“Rick,” Morgan looked at him with sincerity. “It’s good to see you again.

Rick smiled at him. “It’s good to see you too, Morgan.”

Part 3


Glenn and Nicholas nearly collapsed onto the infirmary floor once they made it inside. They were both physically exhausted and bruised all over. Their faces were covered with dirt and blood along with some dead leaves and small twigs sticking out of their hair as though they’d been rolling around on the ground. Nicholas looked even worse than Glenn with a bloody nose and a noticeable shiner on his left eye.

“Whoa, you guys look like shit,” Tara Chambler remarked sitting up in bed as Eugene stood by her side.

Glenn winced as Maggie helped him onto one of the exam tables but seeing that Tara had made a full recovery from her head injury and was now back to her same old snarky self he couldn’t help but smile.

“How do you feel?” Glenn asked her as Maggie began cleaning the blood and dirt off his face with a wet rag.

“I’ve felt better,” Tara replied with a modest nod and shrug. “Where’s Noah?”

Glenn’s smile quickly faded and he looked over at Nicholas sitting on the other table and then back at her as he lowered his head. “He uh, he didn’t make it.”

Tara grew quiet but the look in her big dark eyes said it all, she was definitely grief stricken. Glenn missed him too but decided to spare her the details of just how he died or how it was Nicholas that got him killed in the first place.

“So what happened to Pete?” Glenn suddenly asked Maggie.

“Rick shot him,” Maggie answered coldly. “He showed up at the meeting with Michonne’s sword, tried to kill Rick but ended up killing Reg instead. Accidentally slit his throat open.”

“Oh my god,” Glenn responded in shock. “How’s Deanna holding up?”

“She’s not,” Maggie replied sullenly as she continued cleaning up his face while noticing a cut on his lip. “I can’t blame her either. She just lost Aiden and now her husband too.”

Glenn sighed. “I hate to sound like Daryl, but I’m tired of losing people.”

“So am I,” Maggie looked at him. “So are you gonna tell me what happened out there or not?”

Glenn grabbed her by the wrist and looked her in the eye. “Not here,” he said quietly.

She stared back at him as she reached over and removed one of the leaves from his hair. “I think I already know.”


After Michonne had cleaned her sword she hung it back up on the wall and just stood there staring at it.

“What am I doing?” She asked herself. “I did this before and look what happened?” So why am I doing it again? It’s not going to work. No matter what I do I can’t escape it. “I,” she paused as she lowered her head. “I can’t.”

“Michonne, is that you?” A familiar voice asked from behind.

She turned around and saw Carl Grimes wearing a white T-shirt and pajama pants while carrying Judith.

“Who were you talking to?” Carl asked. “Was it your dead boyfriend?”

“No, just myself,” Michonne answered him. “So why are you still awake? Can’t sleep?”

“Judith woke up crying,” Carl replied. “So I figured she was hungry.”

“Your dad isn’t back yet?” Michonne wondered.

“I think he’s still busy talking to Morgan,” Carl replied. “He looked pretty surprised to see him again. I was too to be honest. Didn’t think we would. So uh, is everything okay?”

She frowned. “I’m just mad that I can’t hang this sword up and be done with it.”

“But why?” Carl wondered. “Hasn’t your sword helped you? Why would you want to stop using it?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “It just feels like a curse anymore.”

“But it’s saved a lot of people,” Carl reminded her. “It’s even saved me and my dad.”

Her eyes began to water and she couldn’t help but smile now.

“And what happened to Reg,” Carl continued. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know Pete would break in our home and steal your sword. So don’t blame yourself for that. Believe me I know what it’s like.”

“You do?” Michonne cocked her head to the side.

“Yeah,” Carl replied shamefully. “There was this man named Dale who used to be in our group. And one day I was stupid and took off by myself in the woods looking for walkers, because I wanted to prove to myself that I could kill one. Well I found one stuck in the mud and I just, threw rocks at it. I had my gun with me, even had a clear shot but I didn’t take it then the walker got free and made a grab for me so I ran. Well later on that walker came back and it killed Dale.”

Carl looked down at the ground. “It killed him because I was stupid and didn’t kill that walker when I had the chance.”

Michonne put her sword away and walked up to him. “Do you still blame yourself for Dale’s death?”

Carl nodded.

“You shouldn’t,” Michonne said as she opened her arms and embraced him and Judith.

“I won’t if you won’t,” Carl chuckled and smiled as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“It’s a deal,” she smiled back. “And I’ll tell you what. I'll keep using the sword too.”

Part 4 (finally)


It was getting late by the time Rick had finally left the basement after he talked with Morgan a little while longer and then started heading back home. He was tired but his emotions seemed to be running all over the place and he couldn’t help but wonder how different things were going to be from now on. Reg was gone and now Deanna was falling apart, struggling to remain strong for herself and for the people of Alexandria, but she looked as though she’d lost all hope.

Rick had seen it in her eyes as she witnessed her husband’s last dying breath while having to face the harsh reality of the new world. She didn’t want to see it before, but now she didn’t have a choice because it was staring her in the face and there was no running or hiding from it anymore.

No more, Rick was thinking to himself as he continued walking home when he suddenly stopped and noticed some lights were on inside the Anderson house. Jessie can’t sleep, Rick thought. Maybe I should stop by and see if she’s okay? Or would that be too soon? Rick hesitated and looked down at his clothes which were still stained with blood. I can’t show up at her door still looking like this. Not after what happened. She’s probably scared of me enough as it is. I don’t even think she’s ready to talk.

Rick clapped a hand over his face and chuckled mordantly. He liked Jessie a lot and in some ways he felt drawn to her for reasons he didn’t even understand, and right now more than anything he wanted to be there for her, to protect her and her boys and show them how to survive. I can teach them, he thought as he made his way up the porch steps and knocked on the front door and waited.

“Rick?” Jessie soon answered wondering what he was doing here at this time. “What do you want?”

“Nothing,” Rick replied softly. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay, that’s all.”

“Well I’m fine,” she forced a smile attempting to hide her fear.

Then Rick suddenly noticed a lit cigarette in her hand. “You sure?”

She nodded as she puffed on it. “It’s late. You should probably go home.”

Rick sighed. “Look, Jessie. I’m sorry you had to see that earlier. I really am, but he didn’t leave me any choice. I had to kill him.”

“I know,” she looked him in the eye. “But Ron and Sam don’t.”

Rick felt truly terrible now but he knew there was nothing more to be said. He killed their father and that was that. “Let me talk to them then,” Rick suggested. “I can make them understand.”

Jessie shook her head at him. “No. It’s better if I talk to them. They aren’t going to listen to you, Rick, especially Ron.”

Rick sighed again and rubbed his forehead. “Look, Jessie. I just want to help, alright? I want to make things right with them, and with you, but you have to give me a chance.”

“Just go home, Rick,” she replied coldly before closing the door on him.

Rick let out a harsh breath as he turned to leave. The fearful look in her eyes and that cold shoulder was all too reminiscent of Lori, especially the way she’d reacted after he told her that he killed Shane. But just like with Pete, he had to kill him and knew that Jessie would accept it eventually as would her boys. Still Rick didn’t like the rejection but he understood it just the same. She just needs time, he told himself as he headed back home again. After that she’ll be alright.

Meanwhile Glenn had just walked out of the bathroom after taking a nice hot shower wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and a T-shirt. He was towel drying his thick dark hair and smiled over at Maggie as she sat up in bed reading a book.
She soon noticed him out of the corner of her eye and returned the smile as she set the book down on her lap.

“How was your shower?” She asked.

“It felt great,” he replied as he limped his way over to the bed and lay down beside her. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he apologized as he reached over and caressed her hand.

“It’s okay,” she replied softly as she placed her other hand over his. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.”

Glenn pulled his hand away as he rolled over on his back grimacing in pain as he tried to get comfortable.

“You okay?” she asked worriedly.

“Yeah, fine,” Glenn winced as he struggled to sit himself up in bed.

Maggie’s expression hardened as she looked over at him. “So are you gonna tell me now or not?”

“Nicholas tried to kill me,” Glenn sighed.

“What?” Maggie’s eyes grew wide.

“I saw him climb over the wall and sneak out earlier today,” Glenn explained. So I followed him to see what he was up to and that’s when he attacked me.”

Maggie looked absolutely horrified now.

“There were walkers too,” Glenn told her. “He even pushed one of them on me.”

Maggie suddenly couldn’t take it any longer and quickly sprung out of bed.
“You’re telling me he tried to kill you?” She raised her voice and made a fist.

“Yes,” Glenn answered shamefully. “But I tried to kill him too.” He looked up at her apologetically now. “I almost did it. I had my gun to his head and I wanted to pull the trigger so badly but I couldn’t.” His eyes began to tear up. “Maggie, I couldn’t kill him,” he began to cry. “I just couldn’t do it. I’m not Rick and I don’t want to be like Rick.”

Maggie’s face softened.

“I could’ve just left him for the walkers too,” Glenn said. “But instead I tell him we’re going back home, together. And that he is going to change and become a better person. And Maggie, that’s why I didn’t tell you when we were in the infirmary. I know you; I know how you would’ve reacted.”

“Were you afraid that I would kill him?” She suddenly asked.

Glenn nodded.

“Then you were right not to tell me then,” she replied. “Because I probably would have, because it isn’t right what he did to you.”

“But he’s going to change,” Glenn explained to her hoping she’d listen. “And I’ve already forgiven him because that’s the right thing to do, Maggie.”

She sighed as she sat back down on the bed. “You’re right it is.” She frowned.

“Have you told anyone yet?” Glenn suddenly asked as he leaned forward and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“What? That I’m pregnant?” Maggie turned and looked at him. “No I haven’t told anyone yet. I don’t want them thinking I can’t handle myself anymore, that I gotta stay behind all the time. I don’t want that.”

Glenn nodded his understanding. “I know you don’t. And we don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay,” she gave a half smile as she turned around and hugged him tight. “And I won’t tell the others about Nicholas if you don’t want me to.”

“Thanks,” he hugged her back.

“I won’t lie to you though,” she sighed as she buried her face into his shoulder. “I am scared of raising a child in this world. It’s like now I know how Lori felt in the beginning. I really hope I don’t end up like her.”

“You won’t,” Glenn said reassuringly. “Because we’re safe here.”