by the fans for the fans

FRIDAY I WAS HEADING OUT IN THE AFTERNOON ON MY WAY TO VISIT A FRIEND. I JUST DROVE 2 MILES IN THE FREEWAY WHEN MY CAR STARTED HEATING UP AND MAKING NOISES FROM UNDER THE HOOD.

OK, I MUST HAVE BUSTED A WATER HOSE. SO NO PROBLEM, GOT OUT NEXT EXIT AND PULLED TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. SMOKE STARTED COMING OUT OF THE CAR AND AS I OPENED THE HOOD, I COULD SMELL THE BEEF JERKY. FUNNY, IT SMELLED GOOD COMPARED TO BURNING WATER.

AS I LATCHED IT OPEN I NOTICED A CAT, AND A HUGE SIZE AT THAT LOOKING AT ME FROM BEHIND THE ENGINE. HE WAS STUCK! Y TRIED TO PRY HIM OUT WITH A STICK BY THE ROAD BUT I COULD NOT. MAN.. LIVE CARNE ASADA. AND THAT CAT WITH ITS BIG EYES CRYING AND LOOKING AT ME FOR HELP.

I DIALED 911 AND GOT ME THROUGH ANIMAL CONTROL. THOSE GUYS TOOK 1 HOUR TO SHOW UP AND BY THEN CAT HAD DIED. AND OF COURSE ON LOOKERS WHO WERE WALKING BY WERE TAKING PICTURES. I WAS JUST MAD THAT I COULD NOT DO ANYTHING AND THAT THAT WAS A SAD WAY TO DIE. YEAH, I RAN OVER ANIMALS BEFORE BUT NEVER STUCK AROUND. THIS ANIMAL WAS JUST THERE.

SO ANIMAL CONTROL SAYS, "YUP, DEAD. NOT MY PROBLEM NO MORE. NEED A MECHANIC"... WOW...JUST WOW.

SO OK, I SKINNED ANIMALS AND HUNTED BEFORE. NO BIGGIE, I'LL PULL THE CAT OUT. BUT NOOOO.. THAT THING WAS BIG. I UNDID THE BATTERY (DRIVER SIDE) AND FUSE BOX TO PULL HIM OUT. TOOK A WHILE BECAUSE NO TOOLS. SOMEONE HELPED ME WHO LIVED IN THE SAME STREET.

NOW AT THIS TIME IT BECOMES A SHOW! MAN, ALL THE NEIGHBORS ARE THERE WATCHING. AND SIGHUP PUSHING ME FOR A PICTURE. MAN, A DEATH LIKE THAT IS BAD OMEN TO MAKE A PICTURE. PLUS I HAD TO TAKE THINGS OUT FROM THE HOOD.

NOW EVERY ONE BECOMES AN EXPERT ON MY CHEVY MALIBU (2003), "TAKE THIS OUT, RAISE THE CAR, PULL HIM FROM UNDERNEATH, CUT HIM RIGHT THERE".. OH YEAH. HEARD IT ALL.

FINALLY WE GET SOME ROOM AND I GET PLASTIC GLOVES FROM A NICE NEIGHBOR. SHE EVEN BROUGHT ME WATER. SO AS I WAS PREPARING TO TAKE THE CAT OUT WITH BEAR HANDS, ONE FOOT IN THE GRILL AND TWO ON THE HEAD OF THE CAT, COPS STANDING BY AS WELL DO TO THE COMMOTION (NO HELP FROM THEM L.A. COPS AND JUST GOT CELL PHONE PICS), EVERYONE WAS QUIET. KINDA LIKE WHEN THOSE PROFESSIONAL GOLFERS AT THE 18TH HOLE AND EVERYONE IS QUIET WAITING FOR HE BAL TO BE PUTTED IN THE HOLE...

SO I TUGGED..NOTHING

POCKED WITH A STICK.. EVERYONE STILL QUIET...


I TUGGED AGAIN.. NOTHING..

MURMURS FROM THE CROWED.

I POKE THE CAT LOOSE A LITTLE FROM THE ENGINE. DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIS LEGS..

SOMEONE YELLS, "CAT AIN'T GOING TO FEEL ANYTHING, PULL HARDER, IT'S DEAD".

I GRAB THE CATS SKULL WITH ONE HAND, AND THE BACK WITH ANOTHER... AND PULLED HARDER...


AND THE CAT IS OUT "APPLAUSE!" EVERYONE CHEERS. AND I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY.

SO KODAK MOMENT AND EVERYONE WANTS A PICTURE OF THE CAT. FINE BY ME, DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE NET WITH A DEAD CAT AND ITS UNDERBELLY TOASTED. "OVER HERE, CAN YOU SWING IT THIS WAY?, CAN I HOLD IT?, CAN YOU SHOW IT OVER HERE? SPREADS ITS HANDS".

PUT IT IN A BAG THAT WAS PROVIDED AND PUT IT IN THE TRUNK. CLOSED IT AND PUT THE PARTS AND BATTERY BACK. AND LEFT FAST AND NOW I HAVE TO TAKE THE CAR TO THE SHOP. CAT MESSED UP SOMETHING.





AND THE BAD THING IS, DURING THE WHOLE ORDEAL..I WAS HUNGRY!!!!

Well, grilled cat cant be as bad as the Chicken you get from KFC. Should have just turned on the engine and let it fry a bit more. Add some seasoning, etc. Be a fine and tasty snack.


lol

It actually reminds me of eating my first piece of 'wild goat'. Air Force had shot to fuck a compound that was meant to be empty. 2 500lb'ers hit square on it. We found out it had been used as a makeshift barn for a herd of goats. We scavenged up some of the lesser burnt remains, and stewed it with WPT's and spent a good few hours, throwing it up, the next morning. Tasted like it was marinated with sulphur

WTF?
khoroshen

It actually reminds me of eating my first piece of 'wild goat'. Air Force had shot to fuck a compound that was meant to be empty. 2 500lb'ers hit square on it. We found out it had been used as a makeshift barn for a herd of goats. We scavenged up some of the lesser burnt remains, and stewed it with WPT's and spent a good few hours, throwing it up, the next morning. Tasted like it was marinated with sulphur

JUST ABOUT AN EXACT THING HAPPENED AT BOOTCAMP IN FORT JACKSON S.C.

WE THE LAST PLATOON TO SHOOT AT A RANGE THAT WAS COVERED BY TREES ON BOTH SIDES AND NOTHING BUT DIRT STRAIGHT UP THE MIDDLE. DEER JUST DECIDES TO CROSS WHEN EVERYONE IS FIRING DOWN RANGE. AND EVERYONE STARTS AIMING AT THE NEW TARGET. FOR SOME REASON NO ONE HEARS THE CALL TO STOP FIRING.

SO, ME AND ANOTHER "MEXICAN" (MEXICANS WERE PICKED OUT OF THE GROUP) THAT GOT PICKED FOR DOING A BBQ TO GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE, (LATER MORE DRILL SRG CAME DOWN) DID THIS HUGE MEAT FEAST. BUT SINCE THE SIZE OF THIS THING RESEMBLED A HORSE, I THINK IT WAS THE WORST FRESH MEAT I EVER TASTED. NO GARLIC, NO SPICES, NOTHING.

AND ALL THE DS HAD THE BEERS. I COULD USE SOME OF IT TO TENDERIZE THE MEAT.

MAN, I COULD NOT SHIT FOR A WEEK.

Damn YO stay away from my cats!

SIGHUP wrote:

Damn YO stay away from my cats!

LOL at least he didn't eat it.......even though he said it smelled good :|

YEAH MAN!

TELL ME ABOUT IT SIGH. I NOW KNOCK AROUND THE HOOD TO MAKE SURE I DON'T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN.

HAHHAA HP.

SURE DID. WHEN ONE IS HUNGRY, ANYTHING COOKING SMELLS GOOD.


WEIRDEST THING I ATE (THAT I WILL SHARE WITH YOU) WAS BOBCAT AND DOVES. SNAKES AND LIZARDS ARE VERY CASUAL OUT IN THE COUNTRY. ESPECIALLY OUT IN THE WOODS DOING SOME DRILLS. AFTER A WHILE, MAN NEEDS MEAT.

SAW FEW COUNTRY GUYS EAT POSSUM. BEST STUFF THEY HAD BUT I DID NOT TRY THAT STUFF.

MEMO1DOMINION wrote:

HAHHAA HP.

SURE DID. WHEN ONE IS HUNGRY, ANYTHING COOKING SMELLS GOOD.


WEIRDEST THING I ATE (THAT I WILL SHARE WITH YOU) WAS BOBCAT AND DOVES. SNAKES AND LIZARDS ARE VERY CASUAL OUT IN THE COUNTRY. ESPECIALLY OUT IN THE WOODS DOING SOME DRILLS. AFTER A WHILE, MAN NEEDS MEAT.

SAW FEW COUNTRY GUYS EAT POSSUM. BEST STUFF THEY HAD BUT I DID NOT TRY THAT STUFF.

Just don't eat another man and we'll call it good!

ZOMBIELAND!

THAT WAS A GOOD MOVIE. GIRL NEXT DOOR TURNING TO ZOMBIE WAS THE FUNNIEST PART.

yeah that and the Bill Murray cameo